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Memories

Our Time


♪.¸¸.•´♫•.¸¸.•♬*•.¸♪.¸¸.•´♫•.¸¸.•♬*•.¸♪.¸¸.•´♫•.¸¸.•♬*•.¸

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

♪.¸¸.•´♫•.¸¸.•♬*•.¸♪.¸¸.•´♫•.¸¸.•♬*•.¸♪.¸¸.•´♫•.¸¸.•♬*•.¸

I love that song. It brings back some wonderful memories. Even though that time has passed and the person I shared it with and myself have moved on, it still is one of those songs that brings a smile to my face and warmth to my heart.

Our Time. That's what we had. And I'm hopeful somewhere down the road there will be special someone to have time with again. But for all of you out there who have that special someone, this pose is for you. For your love. For your hopes. For your dreams. For your time, alone, together, in peace and happiness. Our Time, that perfect pose to sit and talk about everything and nothing. Our Time, when it feels like home simply because you are together.

Our Time is part of the Pro Posers Hunt #3. Be sure to follow the hunt and blog here. Don't miss out on all the wonderful gifts you can find during the hunt. Join the Pro Posers group to take part in the hunt as well as get special group only gifts and discounts.

~sierra sugar

The Reason ~In Loving Memory of Thor Bishop~



or copy/paste this link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4eajJDtN9M


A love story that transcended time, distance and worlds. Its taken me over two years to be able to start writing about and sharing my memories of Him. We had two amazing years together with enough memories both in Second Life and Real Life to last many lifetimes. With His birthday fast approaching, He would have been 41, thoughts of Him have been prominent in my mind.

This video is for our time spent in Second Life where we met. It was only a bridge to bring us together in the real world. In SL He was known as Thor Bishop. On the air (radio DJ) He was known as Loki. To friends and family He was Teddy Prohinsie. To me He was and always will be my Love, my Bear, my Heart.

i've tried to keep the pictures as chronologically correct as possible.  Most are old snapshops with no, little or very poor photoshop work.  But they are memories.  Our time goes back before flexi, before sculpties, even before "private islands".  Our time crosses an eternity in SL yet seemed so very short.  When i was sorting through pictures i was amazed and the sheer number of pictures i had.  There were far too many to put into one video, even a long video.  But then, many are memories special perhaps to me only.  There are some that i may share here over time with stories to narrate them.  For now, this video says more than any of my words could possible hope to do.

These two songs used in the video were very special songs for us. "Secret Garden" was playing the first time i told Him i loved Him. "The Reason" was the song He sang to me and used as part of His wedding vows to me. For two years i couldn't listen to either of these songs. Only now have i been able. Its taken many tears to put this together. i miss Him still.

~sierra
In loving memory of Thor Biship
4/22/1969 - 10/09/2007

eMOTIONS - Closer



eMOTIONS - Closer, originally uploaded by ~sierra sugar~.
Closer is another new release making its debut at Pose Fair 2010. Sometimes no matter how close you get, you still need to get closer. Closer is an all-engaging, wrapped up in you, need to be as close as i can, right now kind of kiss.

A bit of a story behind this pose, if you all will indulge me. Back in the early part of 2006 (no snickering at the old lady here ok) I was lucky enough to meet this amazing man in SL, Thor Bishop. Those of you that know me have undoubtedly heard many stories about Him. Here is one that I've not shared before, atleast not in as much detail. I've always been a very shy person, reserved and private in relationships, and I'm not one to kiss and tell. But this pose is inspired completely by the very first kiss Thor and I shared that week we spent together in late December.

Thor and I met in real life after Christmas of 2006, and from the first moments we knew this was meant to be. I remember standing in front of Him, between His legs as He was sitting, and He was STILL taller than me! That gave Him a good chuckle. I remember when He touched my cheek and told me to "come here". I answered shyly, "I AM here." He placed His hand at the back of my neck and pulled me closer so we were literally nose to nose and winked at me. He had this crooked smile when He said, "No, I mean here."

And then He kissed me.

Any fear, shyness, or doubt that I had vanished. You can laugh all you want, but it was an instantaneous change. In that moment I knew He was all I needed. That first kiss lasted forever, and ended way too soon. We stood there, well HE sat, in the room, the doors wide open to the whole world but completely lost in each other. At some point I remember Him growling. *Laughs* Yeah the big man growled. Grabbed me behind my knees and pulled me up into His lap. I can honestly say it was the most intense, passionate, loving moments I had ever experienced in my life up to that point. And all it was, was a kiss. Just a kiss, but to my heart so much more.

Closer, always needing to be closer. In loving memory of my "Bear", my love, my one.

~sierra sugar~

I Still Cry


Butterfly Kisses Painting, originally uploaded by snowtigress.

I Still Cry

I`m making flowers out of paper
While darkness takes the afternoon
I know that they won`t last forever
But real ones fade away to soon

It`s just that I recall September
It`s just that I still hear your song
It`s just I can`t seem to remember
Forever more those days are gone

Chorus:
I still cry sometimes when I remember you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you`re alright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry

I still cry sometimes when I rememeber you
I still cry sometimes when I hear your name
I said goodbye and I know you`re alright now
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry
But when the leaves start falling down I still cry

Memories of Him

Reading through old LiveJournal posts i came across something i wrote for Thor, my Teddy Bear, way back in 2006 before we officially started dating. i knew even then how much i loved Him and what He meant to me and my life. Such a beautiful man with an amazing heart and passion. i miss Him still.

A Time For Us

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*A Time For Us

There is a place I dream of
I can close my eyes and see it
It exists only in my mind
Yet has a warmth of reality
A place for us
Somewhere in between
Where miles vanish
And time has no meaning

There is a moment I long for
I can picture it so clearly
A desire so strong that it burns inside me
And feeds the flames of my passion for you
A moment for us
Time inbetween
the distance that divides us
Where hours have no meaning

A place for us
together alone
to tangle and touch
and to never let go
A time for us
Moments unending
of passion and tenderness
a dream worth living

There is a place I wish for
I tingle at the thought
A sensation so addicting
that to feel it would be to never let go
A place for us
Time extending infinitly
Wrapped up in your arms
in all the world no better place to be

A place for us
together alone
to tangle and touch
and to never let go
A time for us
Moments unending
of passion and tenderness
a dream worth living

There will be a time for us, if only in my dreams.

-karina
10/20/2006

*for someone so special it is impossible to put into words what my heart feels.

My Heart


My Heart, originally uploaded by snowtigress.

Every night in my dreams
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not
go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

To a dear friend from long before SL


Draek, originally uploaded by snowtigress.

Here are my hands, hold them when You stumble, use their strength to face Your fears.
Here are my shoulders, use them when You cry, soak them with Your tears.
Here are my ears, open up and release Your pain, i will always hear.
Here is my heart, giving, accepting, loving unconditionally, know there is one that truly cares.
Here is my friendship, call upon it when ever You need, for You i am always here.

Never forget, i am always here.

"You have always been a friend to me"

Well you and i
Were buddies
And weve been since we first met
Me any you
Well weve sure been through
Our share of laughter and regret

Lord knows weve had our bad days
And more than once weve disagreed
But youve always been a friend to me

You can be so stubborn
Theres times I think you just like to fight
And I hope and pray
I live to see a day
When you say I might be right

And theres times Id rather kill you
Than listen to your honesty
But youve always been a friend to me

Youve always been
Time and again
The one to take my hand
And show to me its okay to be
Just the way I am
With no apology

Oh youve always been
And you will till God knows when
Yes youve always been a friend to me



Maternity in Mourning


Maternity in Mourning, originally uploaded by snowtigress.

Standing on the shores of forever i cry and whisper His name to the waves and the wind. Some day we'll be together again.

This picture was taken inside of SL the night before going into labor. I blogged earlier covering the whys and particulars of our decision to have an SL pregnancy and the decisions i made after losing Thor in RL.

A Journey Through SL Pregnancy

Did you know that you could become pregnant in SL? I've known for quite some time and always laughed at it, until Thor. Actually, He and i both were of the mindset that it was silly and ridiculous to do such a thing in SL. But life, both Second and Real, has a way of making you eat your words.

After Thor and i were married in SL things changed for us on this particular issue. We had talked quite extensively in the past regarding our personal RL stance on children together, and the fact that i was unable to have any more. That really wasn't an issue between us, He was ok with that from the very start. What was an issue was that my earlier RL pregnancies were filled with complications and void of love and support. He wanted to change that, or rather change my memories and replace the old pain and painful with new happy and loving ones. Have i mentioned how wonderful of a man He was?

So we began to look around and see how things were done. The first thing we decided was that we wanted to take our time and find a way to do this in SL to most closely parallel RL. And we did. We found a couple different options. There are two conception HUDs in world that simulate a woman's ovulation cycle, fertility, and chances of becoming pregnant. One worked on a key phrase being typed repeatedly at certain times by the couple. The other... *blushes profusely* worked with xcite. Why do i blush? i've been in world over 2.5 years and in that time i maintained my SL virginity. It was simply not something i was interested in or really understood. Thor never pushed, but then we had RL. Even after our marriage it wasn't an issue. But now, to do this pregnancy correctly it was definitely an issue. Well, a hurdle i was going to have to over come.

This particular HUD used RL statistics. It took into account the ratio of a woman's chance to conceive after intercourse, her ovulation cycle, fertility, birth control, % to fail, etc.. It even considered such things as sexual climax and where on/in the body it occurred. Obviously in RL certain types of intercourse would not result in pregnancy. It was all rather fascinating and technical, but was exactly what we were looking for. So off He drags me to xcite. That was an experience for another blog, lol. But needless to say we acquired all the items we needed for my first foray into very adult side of SL as well as the needed xcite HUD to interact with the conception HUD for me to be able to "conceive" a child.

I read all the instructions thoroughly. Configured everything precisely. Chose not to use the birth control option, after all we were TRYING to become pregnant. Again, the rest of that part is personal and private. But i will say this much about my SL husband and RL soul mate. That first experience, knowing how uneasy and nervous i was going to be, He took every step to make things comfortable, peaceful, relaxing, and yes as silly as it might sound to some of you very very romantic.

We didn't tell anyone of our plans. We wanted to wait. And we waited. And waited. And waited some more. Well, there was lots of trying mixed in with the waiting of course. It took about 6 weeks to conceive, which is an eternity in SL. And felt like an eternity in RL too. Funny when you want something so badly the waiting for it seems to take forever. But on August 19th the pregnancy test read positive. I had finally conceived. YAY! We were so excited. I think we were both crying. The whole process had become one of deep emotion, self exploration and healing.

Next was the actual pregnancy and birth. Now over the course of my pregnancy i've gotten a lot of questions from friends and strangers on how all this works. So i thought i should share a few technical details here. An AV does not actually become "pregnant". It is not a spontaneous occurrence. It is not scripted in the programming of basic SL as a form of AI. There is no real SL reproduction as far as AVs are concerned. The entire pregnancy from beginning to end, how ever the couple/individual decides to go about it, is completely role play supported by scripts, props, HUDs, etc.

A woman's (or neko, furry, dragon, vamp, male, etc..) growing belly during pregnancy is nothing more than a change of shape. A series of custom shapes are made for the expectant mother to wear. She changes one each week for the duration of her pregnancy. There is a "talking tummy" which lets the mother experience things such as cravings, "feeling" the baby move, hearing the heartbeat, and yes even morning sickness. It also allows the mother and others to talk to the growing baby, read to him/her, sing, etc... And would you believe this "tummy", which is nothing more than an intricately scripted invisible prim a mother wears throughout the duration of her pregnancy is ALSO xcite compatible. It offers things like allowing the spouse to rub the tummy, give massages, and more goodies that i will let an expectant couple discover on their own.

The baby, is a prim baby. A couple goes to a maternity clinic and places an order for a custom designed baby. They can specify name, gender, hair color and style, eye color, skin tone. They can even add things such as ears and tail, fangs, wings, make it completely furry, a dragon, a mermaid, or what ever species the parents may themselves be. The more complex the customization naturally the longer it takes to make the baby. At the clinic the mother will order her custom baby, order her custom pregnancy shapes, schedule her check up exam (yes they DO weigh you), and schedule her delivery. The delivery is role play with specific animations, and the detail of the role play is highly dependent on the delivering mother/couple and how much they want to submerse themselves in the role play. Once the baby is "born" it comes with an interactive HUD to take care of the child, feed the child, sing, rock, change, bathe, etc.. The clothes and colors of the outfits can even be changed by the HUD interface.

The average SL pregnancy lasts 2-6 weeks. Thor and i, again wanting to parallel this as close to RL as possible chose a much longer gestation at 3months. Never did i ever imagine in starting this that i would end up a widow and a single mother in SL. Never did i once suspect that i would finish this pregnancy on my own, without Him. He was my soul mate, my forever. There was no drama big enough in SL or RL to ever break us up. After His RL death i could have stopped the pregnancy. Canceled the order. Put my original shape back on and be done with it. But you can't just do that in RL. And, this was something He was so excited about. Something that He wanted so much.

So, on November 19, an anniversary date for us (we started dating on the 19th, we got married on the 19th, we conceived on the 19th) our child, a little girl that's part neko will be born. Kaylia Ciana Bishop, her name a combination of both mine and Thor's RL names and the middle name a part of a dear SL friend. Her name was chosen by the two of us, together, shortly after conception.

This particular journey has been one of love, tenderness, joy, self discovery, and healing, as well as tremendous loss, sorrow, and pain. The pregnancy itself may not be real, but the emotions behind it most definitely are. This was not a whim, a flippant decision, but rather a deep emotional commitment between the two of us to share something together that RL would not allow.

As always, i love You, Baby. You will always be in my heart and memories. And i still have the picture and notecard of You reading Your silly fairytales to her. If anyone ever tries to say You were intimidating, a hardass, etc... well, i have picture positive proof otherwise. *grins* i love You so much!







sierra sugar
~in loving memory~

For more information on SL pregnancy, programs, pricing, etc. visit Bundle of Joy, in Schweet. It is by far the best and most thorough clinic in all of SL. SLURL included below.
http://slurl.com/secondlife/Schweet/44/221/63

~In Loving Memory~

~In Loving Memory of Thor Bishop~

The past couple of weeks have been the hardest in my entire life. On the morning of Tuesday October 9th, my love, my heart, my everything, passed away. Thor Bishop, 38 years old in real life, stopped breathing in His sleep due to complications with pneumonia. Stubborn as He was He wouldn't go to the doctor despite repeated begging from myself and family. "Its just a cold".

Thor was more than just my SL husband. He was my real life boyfriend. He was my entire world. He was and always will be my once in a lifetime. How does one go one when all of that is taken away? Trust me, I don't know. Every day is filled with tears, anger, sorrow, confusion. I'm lost without Him. There are so many things we wanted to do together. Together we experienced so many "firsts" for each of us, but there were many many more that we were looking forward to.

He is the only many to ever send me flowers. And not just holiday/birthday flowers, they were "just because I love you" flowers. He remembered all the important dates. He always remembered all the little things. He told me He loved me constantly, 20, 30, 40 times a day sometimes. It ALWAYS made me smile. I never got tired of hearing it. And what I wouldn't give to hear it just one more time. What I wouldn't give to tell Him I love Him just one more time. No one has ever made me feel as loved and as protected and wanted as He did. He was my best friend, my boyfriend, my confidant, my protector, and so much more.

Anyone who ever met Thor walked away with a smile. He had a way about Him that put people at ease and made them laugh. He poked fun at everyone and everything. No one was safe, not even Himself. And another thing that was never safe was an empty pose ball. Let a couple be dancing and the girl crash... LOL, I have so many pictures of Him cuddled up dancing with some poor unsuspecting guy. Well, not exactly unsuspecting. Anyone that knew Him knew to expect it. It was a joke amongst us all. And never.... ever dare Him to do something. Because you would loose. He would do it in a heartbeat. Didn't matter what. Whether it was singing an embarssing song, dressing like a girl, wearing a bikini. Didn't matter. Loud, obnoxious, crazy, funny, but oh so lovable. He would give the shirt off His back, if He was wearing one, to help His friends. He had a way of walking into a crowd and instantly commanding everyone's attention without even trying. He could diffuse a situation effortlessly with laughter. He was a bundle of mischevious energy. That little boy that everyone loved. He loved to play the badass, but everyone knew He was a softy inside. Yet He'd tell me "shhh baby, you'll ruin my reputation".

And what a reputation He had. He was a leader in the surf community, a pioneer. He was a master at His trade, that being a DJ. He was creative, thoughtful, insightful, articulate when He needed to be, even diplomatic. People would tease Him saying i was His better half. But the absolute truth of it is that HE was MY better half.

My biggest fear is that i may have failed to show Him how completely i loved Him. That He didn't really know how much He meant to me. That there was ever a moments doubt in His mind and heart. I pray each day that is not the case. That He did know. That i didn't fail Him. That the love i have for Him showed just as plainly as the love He had for me.

There are so many Thor stories i could share. So many memories over the course of a year and half, which is a lifetime in SL. So many plans we had for the future. Our relationship transcended SL. We did meet in RL and were planning a RL future together. And without Him i feel lost both in SL and RL. And while those stories may come a little at a time in the future, for now I will simply share a poem. Something special for Him, the absolute one and true love of my life.

Thor, Teddy, my bear... i love you now and always, for the rest of my life.

Somewhere the rain is falling down and I think of you

The pitter pat of droplets on a window pane
the rumble of thunder as lightening flashes
Life itself drinking in the refreshing heavenly tears
And as the rain falls down I think of you

Somewhere the wind blows through the trees and I dream of you

Whispering softly through the leaves
Flowers sway and dance to the cooling breeze
The breath of the heavens breathing life upon this place And the wind blows softly as I dream of you

Somewhere a bright star sparkles and I wish for you

The silence of night sheltering the earth
a thousand points of light dazzling a blanket of pitch Eternity twinkles allowing distance and time to see together And as a shooting star sparkles I wish for you.

~sierra sugar~