Viewing entries tagged
Loss

The Reason ~In Loving Memory of Thor Bishop~



or copy/paste this link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4eajJDtN9M


A love story that transcended time, distance and worlds. Its taken me over two years to be able to start writing about and sharing my memories of Him. We had two amazing years together with enough memories both in Second Life and Real Life to last many lifetimes. With His birthday fast approaching, He would have been 41, thoughts of Him have been prominent in my mind.

This video is for our time spent in Second Life where we met. It was only a bridge to bring us together in the real world. In SL He was known as Thor Bishop. On the air (radio DJ) He was known as Loki. To friends and family He was Teddy Prohinsie. To me He was and always will be my Love, my Bear, my Heart.

i've tried to keep the pictures as chronologically correct as possible.  Most are old snapshops with no, little or very poor photoshop work.  But they are memories.  Our time goes back before flexi, before sculpties, even before "private islands".  Our time crosses an eternity in SL yet seemed so very short.  When i was sorting through pictures i was amazed and the sheer number of pictures i had.  There were far too many to put into one video, even a long video.  But then, many are memories special perhaps to me only.  There are some that i may share here over time with stories to narrate them.  For now, this video says more than any of my words could possible hope to do.

These two songs used in the video were very special songs for us. "Secret Garden" was playing the first time i told Him i loved Him. "The Reason" was the song He sang to me and used as part of His wedding vows to me. For two years i couldn't listen to either of these songs. Only now have i been able. Its taken many tears to put this together. i miss Him still.

~sierra
In loving memory of Thor Biship
4/22/1969 - 10/09/2007

and now for something completely different...


she waits..., originally uploaded by snowtigress.

"He's making me happy, but i'm conflicted too because i feel so incredibly strong for Him."

This was a comment received to me from a friend of mine, someone relatively new and exploring her place in the lifestyle. What lifestyle? Well those of you that have known me for any length of time know that i am submissive. Those of you that don't know me please realize this, it is a lifestyle choice and one lived and experienced outside of the confines of Second Life. It is not a game. It is not a place to act out fantasies of bondage and abuse. But in fact the lifestyle to those that choose to live it, it's something so much more and at the very core of it has little to do with sex, bondage, pain, games, or anything you may have heard or witness in your time in SL. What you see there for the most part tends to be perpetuation of stereo types. There *are* many who live it outside of SL and use the realm of VR to enhance their experiences. *Those* are the people you need to watch for a hint at any truth in the lifestyle.

So we return to the quote from my friend who is experiencing perhaps her first real submissive feelings and relationship ever. She's seen the stereotypes. She's seen the velcro collars, where one is "bound" to one "Master" today and another tomorrow. That is not real. That is not even remotely close to real. There is no flippancy or frivolousness in a real Ds relationship. When one is truly submissive to one who is truly Dominant the bond between the two is nothing short of extraordinary. You can equate the bond to that of wedding vows, but even deeper. The level of trust, respect, and love go far beyond conventional relationships. It simply must for one to give up all of themselves to another. It simply must for one to benevolently accept the total protection and care of another. There simply must be unrestrained and uninhibited communication at all times between a Master and submissive. There *is* no other option.

So why is she feeling conflicted? Because everything she's seen tells her she's not supposed to care. Because everything she's seen in this amazing VR world in which we choose to spend our lives shows her that she isn't allowed to be loved. And because everything she's seen is in direct opposition to everything she is feeling. What she is feeling is real. It has no expectations. It has no boundaries other than what her and her new Dominant set for themselves. Each and every Ds relationship is unique and individual. The terms are set by the two hearts involved. Two hearts. Two minds. Two souls. That's right, BOTH get to equally contribute to what their relationship is going to be. Its not a dictatorship where the submissive gives up everything with no say and nothing in return. One does not command submission of another simply because one deems Him or Herself a Dominant. Submission is given as a gift of love and trust, just as Dominance is a gift of love and protection. Both are bound by respect of one to the other, total and complete honesty.

She is conflicted because her heart is involved yet everything she's seen tells her it shouldn't be. Everything she's seen tells her she should be detached, that she is property, owned and easily discarded. And everything she's seen is completely and totally wrong! Her heart SHOULD be involved. Her heart, her head, her soul, her body, and every single part of her. Just as every single part of Him should be involved. And by all outward signs and conversations both seem to be fully engaged on every level of this commitment and well on their way to a flourishing, fulfilling, and quite loving, healthy Ds relationship.

So my friend, do *not* be conflicted because your heart dictates what you feel. Do not be conflicted because He makes you happy. Do *not* be conflicted because He shows you tenderness, kindness, love, and compassion. These are all signs of a real, honest, caring, and tender Dominant. Cherish it! Revel in it! Enjoy it! Live it like no other around you. This is YOUR relationship. Make it what the two of you want for it to be and don't let others tell you it should be different. Don't let stereotypes around you convince you that this is "not the way its done". Only the two of you can determine the "way it is done" that is best for the two of you. Talk, share, communicate, love, feel, and most of all enjoy.

~In Loving Memory~

~In Loving Memory of Thor Bishop~

The past couple of weeks have been the hardest in my entire life. On the morning of Tuesday October 9th, my love, my heart, my everything, passed away. Thor Bishop, 38 years old in real life, stopped breathing in His sleep due to complications with pneumonia. Stubborn as He was He wouldn't go to the doctor despite repeated begging from myself and family. "Its just a cold".

Thor was more than just my SL husband. He was my real life boyfriend. He was my entire world. He was and always will be my once in a lifetime. How does one go one when all of that is taken away? Trust me, I don't know. Every day is filled with tears, anger, sorrow, confusion. I'm lost without Him. There are so many things we wanted to do together. Together we experienced so many "firsts" for each of us, but there were many many more that we were looking forward to.

He is the only many to ever send me flowers. And not just holiday/birthday flowers, they were "just because I love you" flowers. He remembered all the important dates. He always remembered all the little things. He told me He loved me constantly, 20, 30, 40 times a day sometimes. It ALWAYS made me smile. I never got tired of hearing it. And what I wouldn't give to hear it just one more time. What I wouldn't give to tell Him I love Him just one more time. No one has ever made me feel as loved and as protected and wanted as He did. He was my best friend, my boyfriend, my confidant, my protector, and so much more.

Anyone who ever met Thor walked away with a smile. He had a way about Him that put people at ease and made them laugh. He poked fun at everyone and everything. No one was safe, not even Himself. And another thing that was never safe was an empty pose ball. Let a couple be dancing and the girl crash... LOL, I have so many pictures of Him cuddled up dancing with some poor unsuspecting guy. Well, not exactly unsuspecting. Anyone that knew Him knew to expect it. It was a joke amongst us all. And never.... ever dare Him to do something. Because you would loose. He would do it in a heartbeat. Didn't matter what. Whether it was singing an embarssing song, dressing like a girl, wearing a bikini. Didn't matter. Loud, obnoxious, crazy, funny, but oh so lovable. He would give the shirt off His back, if He was wearing one, to help His friends. He had a way of walking into a crowd and instantly commanding everyone's attention without even trying. He could diffuse a situation effortlessly with laughter. He was a bundle of mischevious energy. That little boy that everyone loved. He loved to play the badass, but everyone knew He was a softy inside. Yet He'd tell me "shhh baby, you'll ruin my reputation".

And what a reputation He had. He was a leader in the surf community, a pioneer. He was a master at His trade, that being a DJ. He was creative, thoughtful, insightful, articulate when He needed to be, even diplomatic. People would tease Him saying i was His better half. But the absolute truth of it is that HE was MY better half.

My biggest fear is that i may have failed to show Him how completely i loved Him. That He didn't really know how much He meant to me. That there was ever a moments doubt in His mind and heart. I pray each day that is not the case. That He did know. That i didn't fail Him. That the love i have for Him showed just as plainly as the love He had for me.

There are so many Thor stories i could share. So many memories over the course of a year and half, which is a lifetime in SL. So many plans we had for the future. Our relationship transcended SL. We did meet in RL and were planning a RL future together. And without Him i feel lost both in SL and RL. And while those stories may come a little at a time in the future, for now I will simply share a poem. Something special for Him, the absolute one and true love of my life.

Thor, Teddy, my bear... i love you now and always, for the rest of my life.

Somewhere the rain is falling down and I think of you

The pitter pat of droplets on a window pane
the rumble of thunder as lightening flashes
Life itself drinking in the refreshing heavenly tears
And as the rain falls down I think of you

Somewhere the wind blows through the trees and I dream of you

Whispering softly through the leaves
Flowers sway and dance to the cooling breeze
The breath of the heavens breathing life upon this place And the wind blows softly as I dream of you

Somewhere a bright star sparkles and I wish for you

The silence of night sheltering the earth
a thousand points of light dazzling a blanket of pitch Eternity twinkles allowing distance and time to see together And as a shooting star sparkles I wish for you.

~sierra sugar~